Good News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you know, I had my mid-treatment CT scan today. And I quote: "It looks like you are having excellent success with this treatment." The scans showed that my tumors were pretty much gone, and that I had very little scar tissue. Needless to say, Jason and I had somewhat of an emotional breakdown in the doctor's office. Once I finally collected myself, the doctor said that it is very unlikely that I'll need radiation or any more chemo after my next two cycles. Yay!

I have to get up bright and early tomorrow morning for my 7am appointment to start my fifth round of chemo, so I'll keep this post short. BUT, I want to thank everyone again for helping me to get through this. All of your supportive words, encouragement, and prayers have kept me in a state of mind that has been conducive to healing, which has likely been an important component to the success of this treatment. Thank you!!!!!!

Two more cycles to go!



 

T Minus 1 Day Until My Mid-Treatment Scan

I have my first mid-treatment CT scan tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed! I have a good feeling about it, but like I said in previous posts, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. For anyone who is curious about CT scans: CT stands for Computerized Tomography. It's a method that uses X-rays from many angles to make cross-sectional images of bones and soft tissues throughout the body. CT scans are the standard imaging method for assessing lymphoma, which has a very characteristic appearance in the CT images. While I will always have scar tissue from the tumors, the hope is that the scan will show significant tumor shrinkage.

The past week has been great! One of my closest friends, Shawn, visited from Seattle for a long weekend. We got some much needed girl time, went out to eat, and had a great time playing with Zachary. We even made her suffer through all of our family videos, hehe. Her visit was a nice reminder of the normalcy I look forward to getting back to...

Monday was the first day since the beginning of February that Jason and I were on our own. We have had a constant stream of family and friends drive and fly out to take care of me and Zachary, for which we are eternally grateful. But, I have to admit, it feels wonderful to have the townhouse to ourselves. Unfortunately, it means that Zachary has to be at daycare the entire week (I can't have him home while I'm alone since I can't change his diaper after the intestinal infection fiasco). I'm pretty sure I miss Zachary more than he misses me though! He has a BLAST playing with his friends at Samina's (an in-home daycare we use in our neighborhood). As soon as I drop him off, he gives me a kiss and says bye in the sweetest little voice that can't help but remind me how quickly he's growing up. I love that little guy so much!

Zachary (and Jason and I!) will be very excited on Friday when his grandparents (Jason's mom and dad) and his Great-Grandma Bev come for a visit. They'll be staying for Memorial Day weekend, and then Jason's mom will continue to stay with us until mid-June. As much as it sucks to go through this, it's been a blessing to be able to spend so much time with family and friends. I'm still a bit in awe how people are willing to drop their own lives to spend significant amounts of time helping us. Not only do the visits help me, but they also give Zachary a chance to spend quality time with his extended family.

Check back tomorrow for my scan update. I'll be sure to post as soon as I get home!!!

I'm A Little Trooper

I love when Jason calls me his little trooper. Something about it just cracks me up. I do feel like a little soldier, marching along, each chemo cycle a small battle to win the war. I have everyone's cards and letters lined up on two shelves in the kitchen, like a steadfast army of positive thoughts and motivation. Thanks to all for joining the fight!!!

I'm happy to report that my 4th cycle of chemo treatments went well. All of the chemo infusions progressed smoothly, and the side effects were minimal. In fact, the entire week I was dreading today (when I normally start feeling like I have the flu), but I'm really not feeling too bad, thankfully. I feel a bit like I'm tip-toeing through the next few days, just waiting for the side effects to start. BUT, I'll just take it one day at a time and finish out cycle 4 on a positive attitude.

On May 24, I'll have my first CT scan since starting treatments. This is a moment that I both eagerly await and fear. That CT scan is either going to confirm my hopes and propel me through the final two cycles or force me to find a whole new kind of strength. I have no clue how I'm going to handle sitting in the doctor's office waiting for them to give me the radiologist's report. I keep imagining the best news possible to help keep my spirits up during treatment, but at the same time I don't want to set myself up for unrealistic expectations. It's a tough balance to find.

Until then, here's to finding the little trooper in all of us.

Cycle Four, Woo Woo!

Half way there!!!!!!! From this point on, there are more days of chemo behind me than there are ahead.

I'm live blogging from the day hospital while I get my Retuxin infusion. Even though I'm about to get five more bags of chemo pumped into my system, I can't help but be in a good mood. I had a great week. The insertion of the catheter into my neck this morning was completely painless. I'm having a nice conversation with the lady sitting next to me. Zachary is having a ball playing with all of the family visiting. I have words of encouragement pouring into my mailbox, phone, and email every day. Life is good.

I Still Use Shampoo

Between the sympathetic glances of strangers, I try to find normal. It shows up in odd places: in the smell of freshly cut grass, in the random telemarketing call during dinner, or in the scent and feel of shampoo.

I’m thankful that I’ve had nearly six great days in a row. With the exception of baldness, I’ve felt relatively normal for the past week. On Saturday, Jason and I decided to do a date night, which was wonderful. We saw a matinee movie and then went restaurant hopping in Old Town Alexandria. One fondue, six Spanish tapas, two cupcakes, and one coffee later, I was fat and happy! The night felt normal.

If such a luxurious night felt normal, I guess I’ve been one lucky girl my entire life.  

Wow, that sucked

The past week was a bit rough. Starting on Thursday, the effects of my third cycle of chemo started to kick in. I again felt like my body had aged decades overnight, and the heartburn and stomach cramps slowly chipped away at my positive attitude. By Saturday, the fatigue was forcing me to nap every few hours. 

Saturday was an eye-opening day for me. Between my naps, I knew I needed to move. The weather was nice, so I decided to take a walk outside with Jason. During the first five minutes of my walk, I held Jason's hand and leaned on him like a crutch. My feet barely moved inches with each step, and all I could think about was how much pain I felt in my legs and hips. I began talking myself into a dark place, down a hole that's easy to get lost in. Half holding my own weight, half being carried by Jason, I told him I couldn't do it, and we turned around to walk the twenty feet back home. 

At some point within those twenty feet, I looked down at my body. It looked no different than it had three months ago, and yet there I was, a 29-year-old vessel of outward health, being dragged back home. I felt intense anger. Not at the situation, not at the chemo, not at the cancer, but at myself. I wasn't even trying to find the strength to walk. I wasn't one-hundred years old, I was twenty-nine, damn it. Standing on the sidewalk, tears streaming down my face, I made a decision.  I was at least going to try.

Jason, afraid to let me go, cautiously kept one arm extended to catch me should I collapse. After a few steps,  I realized I could walk, slowly, but unassisted. We passed a few neighbors, and I'm sure I looked like a stubborn two-year-old in a temper-tantrum--hands balled up into fists, crying, stomping along in defiance. It was a great feeling.

After my little victory on Saturday, I really thought Sunday would be better. Unfortunately, the fatigue was so bad, and I was so worn out from the stomach cramps, that I slept most of the day. 

By Monday, I felt like something the cat had dragged in. I went to the hospital Monday morning for my scheduled blood work-up, and I wasn't the least bit surprised to learn that I again went neutropenic. Since my blood counts dropped so low, the doctors will keep the chemo drugs at the same level as my previous cycles.

Today, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm emerging from my bad days. I'm still tired , but at least my body doesn't feel so old. I'll attempt to update this blog a bit more over the next few days while I'm feeling ok. 

Until then, thank you again to everyone for all of the messages and cards! I love every single one of them, and I look forward to replying to each of you individually some time soon!

Tired, but good

I can't believe that it's half way through April! I had my third cycle chemo bag removed yesterday, so now it's just dealing with the side effects, again. Not terrible yet! Maybe it won't be too bad this time around?

My spirits are definitely up today. I had a lot of nice visits from friends over the past week, which helps break up the days a bit. Plus, my sister-in-law has been staying with us to help take care of Zachary--incredibly helpful! She made an amazing curry cauliflower soup for dinner while Jason and I were at the hospital yesterday. If anyone reading this is also going through chemo, cauliflower soup is very easy on the stomach during the Cytoxin day.

Having some chemo brain at the moment where I can't really think straight, so I'm going to hop off before I ramble too much... Here's to hoping for a milder Prednisone crash this time around!